Thursday, March 31, 2011

Choas in the Senate

Congress is adjourned!

Zombie Attack! Zombie Attack!

Zombie's overrun Congress. Senators forced to move to the center of the room for safety.

Congress Returns to Normalcy

President Obama denies the reports that he lied, noting that there is no stories of zombie outbreaks in news sources like "CNN and the New York Times." It seems irrelevant whether these fictitious news sources cover this story, as Claremont Media Coverage, an authentic source of news, has covered it. Congress seemed to accept his cover-up, and debate over passing the SHEEN Act continues.

Breaking News: OBAMA LIES

Julien Assange, author of Wikileaks, just sent an email and two attachments revealing that President Obama lied regarding the scope of the Zombie outbreak. While we cannot divulge the attachments to the public, we have attached his email:

Attached to this email are documents received by Wikileaks which demonstrate that the Obama Administration lied to us regarding the extent of the outbreak. It is clear that the outbreak was both much more severe and much longer lived than we were lead to believe. Wikileaks will continue to bring you the truth and release documents as we are able to process them. These two are but the first of a massive submission we received. The first document is a PowerPoint that accompanied a USAMRIID briefing and the second is footage shot by a set of Ukrainian arms dealers. We hope that you will use this information to react wisely to an epidemic which still may be ongoing.

Yours in truth,


More news to follow.

CAP and GOWN Act Passes

CAP and GOWN Act Passes, with 34 for and 12 against. The bill was largely endorsed and proposed by Senator Bingaman and Senator Murray. All of the Democrats voted for the bill, as well as Republican senators Collins, Kirk, Murkowski, Snowe, Roberts, Isaacson, and others. Ultimately, this bill passed with a lot of bipartisan help.

Senator Bingaman remarks: "As chairman of the Energy and Natural Resources committee, I've worked tirelessly to help build up a green economy for more sustainable and energy efficient jobs...this bill should help put at risk youth in places where they can take the opportunity to take these new jobs...and have a new green economy. This is huge because it will help bring these new tech jobs to states that have had a really difficult time in this economy."

Vice President Biden Pronounces Senator's Name Wrong

Vice President Biden just pronounced Senator Udall's name (D-CO) "Ooh-dall" instead of "You-dall." Slightly embarrassing for the Executive Branch.

Another Act Passes: CHARLIE Act

Sen Udall (D-CO) poses with Charlie Sheen after the congressional hearing on Tuesday

If laws keep getting passed this quickly, then we might live under a completely new regime by Friday. Democrats thank Charlie Sheen, who gave testimony earlier this week in support of the CHARLIE ACT, for his powerful words that helped this bill gain the support it needed to become law.